“If you love someone but rarely make yourself available to him or her, that is not true love.” ― Thích Nhất Hạnh, Living Buddha, Living Christ
Here’s the deal, the above-mentioned quote is exactly how I feel about my relationship with bacon. There is no truer love and by not stuffing your face with bacon on a frequent basis it will simply stop loving you in return and you will die a lonely and bacon free hermit who has nightmares of vegetables chasing you around a supermarket trying to climb down your throat. It will not be pleasant and no one should go through that.
And for this reason alone I felt like my heart was ripped out of my chest, turned into glass and crushed under the weight of a million sumo wrestlers over the weekend when I was oh so very rudely slapped with a big fat “we only serve macon” comment and I am still walking around in shear disgust. Only macon? These words are still echoing in my head and the images of sheep/cows/soybeans running around turning into slithers of macon still haunts me.
In this world there is only one thing a person can count on and that is that bacon will always, always make you happy. What’s not making me happy is that more and more establishments have completely removed this wonderfully delicious item from their menus. It’s not just hiding between the lettuce and the cheese in the fridge waiting to jump out and yell “surpriiise”, nooo, it’s been completely executed, Ted Bundy style. I understand the reasons for this I do, but when you go to a franchise restaurant that basically slaps bacon on everything but the coffee and you don’t find it there, they need to understand that your actions will be out of your control and you cannot be held responsible for all the heads that will be flying.
Since I cannot suddenly become an evil villain who can demand all macon to be destroyed in exchange for the safety of the planet, I have decided to take a moment and create this post dedicated to bacon, because for a brief lapse in time bacon did not exist, therefore I feel strongly that this is needed to remind all of us just how friggin’ awesome bacon really is!
And just because I am fair to all things in existence – some proof that bacon does not always provide happiness:
But then you listen to Bacon is Nature’s Antidepressant by June Rapp and you realize once more, that nothing will ever take the place of bacon.