Who needs monsters?

There are certain secrets we as humans don’t enjoy revealing to our fellow humans purely because we fear being judged, or in this case the fear of being turned into a laughingstock cough. This of course creates another phobia on top of the phobia you already hide from the world turning you into a ball filled with phobias. The fun.

false fear of fear

Today I will share with you a few of my dislikes. I wont call it phobias because I don’t think it is that extreme. But if I was to be bitten by a gerbil and then turned into a furry superhero, this will definitely be my kryptonite.

Yes, there are a few things that I am uncomfortable with and the thought of being in the same room with these creatures makes my palms sweaty. And it is not the normal shriek creators like spiders or cockroaches either. These things are much, much more detrimental to my mental health.

A few years ago I was watching an episode of some nature show. The not-so-suave presenter with his shockingly clean clothing ventured into the jungle, to find a creature that he considers to be rather precious. Needless to say eventually he found this creature, and I found the filler of many a nightmare to come.

World, meet the aye-aye. Now I am aware that this is not the scariest looking animal and that when looking at it (from a safe distance) it is rather cute. But let us take a closer look shall we. This is not the cute and fluffy creature we see in Madagascar.

Yes suuure, very cute

Yes suuure, very cute

Villagers fear this ghoulish nocturnal animal because they believe that once they see one death will follow soon after. The story goes that the aye-aye will sneak into their dwelling after being seen and use its middle finger to pierce the heart of the sleeping human. Well if I lived in a village in the middle of nowhere and there were these Mexican hairless lookalikes walking around at night with a finger long enough to pick my nose via my ear, heck I would also believe these stories.

The next culprit is actually much loved by basically the whole world. To such and extend that people even put them in their gardens to, I don’t know, keep the aye-ayes away.

Yes my friends, I am talking about the flamingo. Look, I am all for being pink even though it is completely the wrong colour to, oh let’s say for this argument, survive. But those eyes. Really, does no one notice the evil lurking behind those eyes? Standing around all day looking “pretty”. Meanwhile they are plotting to capture all the humans and use their legs to beat the living candy floss out of them while slowly using those well adjusted beaks to remove our eyes and feed them to baby flamingos. Think about it while you walk around in the zoo again – most likely being watched very closely by our pink little friends.

Take the kids, take them all

Take the kids, take them all

Last on my list of animals that causes panic and destruction is another “innocent” creature.

The moth. I have been studying these butterfly impostors for quite some time now and I have noticed a pattern. There are the standard actions: always fly towards the light, and committing suicide by flying into flames. But there is the small thing we overlook. They always fly straight to your head, and more specifically, your ear.

That's not the thoughts of a friendly moth

That’s not the thoughts of a friendly moth

Why you might ask? Because they are here for one reason and one reason only. To fly into your brain and CONTROL YOUR THOUGHTS! And according to this article it is clear that they already have humans under their control and they are working on building their armies.

I can never bring myself to murder these winged alien creatures though, perhaps when they do take over the world I will be spared.

Or perhaps they will join forces with the flamingos and aye-ayes and lead us all to our demise.

Only time will tell. But I will continue to sleep with my eyes open, duck when I see a moth and never turn my back on a flamingo.


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